Sunday, January 22, 2012

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart[and on my legs])

Well, my 30th birthday was yesterday. I've decided that 30 isn't scary at all because I'm exactly where I thought I'd be - I've been a teacher, now I'm staying at home with my kids, I'm married, we have a house. I'm pretty sure that if you'd asked me at ANY point in my life where I'd be at 30, this is what I would have said.

Plus, I'm already rocking out on my 31x31 list. 

Got my tattoo!

Yep. Yesterday we dropped the babies off at my in-laws and drove over to Tattoos by Raven in Otsego so I could get in line for walk-ins. They opened shop at 2 and I was nervous that they'd be busy and I wouldn't get in. Actually, on the way there I was upset that we were late (we got there at 2:10) and was so worried that I wouldn't get my tattoo that I didn't have time to even think about being nervous about getting the tattoo.

But we got there and Kendra didn't have anyone in the shop so I got to sit right down with her and officially design my tattoos. It was great!

I showed her this picture, which is the heart-within-a-heart design that I wanted. Then I explained the coloring, etc. that I wanted (sapphire for Emma, aquamarine for Fia, and two black ones for my miscarriages). Immediately Kendra changed things a little bit by recommending that the inside heart be shaded instead of outlined. Then she took my picture and started tracing, copying, and shading with her colored pencils. When she was done, she had four adorable little hearts to put into carbon paper and then stick on my leg. So simple and I still didn't have time to get nervous.

As she got everything ready, I signed the waivers and she showed me all the needles, etc in the sealed packages (blah blah blah). Then we went into the room and I sat on the chair and watched Flying Wild Alaska on Discovery Channel because it was what was on. She positioned the tattoos and then we got started.

Matt calls this the "I've had two natural births, so this is nothing" look... I'm just watching TV while she places the tattoo. 

Here she's working on the left leg. You can see the tattoos on the right leg are finished. 

Here's the finished product. Two hearts on each leg. Left leg is in color (Emma on top, Fia on bottom); Right leg in black.

Right leg - two hearts for two miscarriages
Left leg - Sapphire heart for Emma, Aquamarine heart for Sophia
And it didn't hurt. Well, ok, it hurt a little. But when Kendra first started, I had to look down to see if she was actually doing anything or if she was just kidding with me. I barely felt it. The shading obviously hurt more than anything, but for the most part it just felt like a cat scratch. If I felt myself tensing up, I just did what I did with Sophia's birth and told myself to relax. It worked very well. And now I just have to care for my tattoos until they heal. (They still barely hurt; they just sting sometimes like a cat scratch.)

You might still be wondering about the significance of the tattoo, other than the obvious two babies + two miscarriages = 4 hearts. Well here's the poem by e.e. cummings that started it all:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                           i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

So here I am, at the end of day two out of 366 (leap year). I've already got one thing off my 31x31 list. Plus I've also finished a book (I'd started it before my birthday, so I'm only counting it as half a book, but still, that means I only have 24.5 books left!), taken note of two days for my Sky Scarf (white-blue yesterday, light gray today), I've worked out for 30 minutes both days, and Em watched an hour or less of TV both days (while we were at home - I'm not going to count time at Grandma & Grandpa's house)...

Starting my 30s in style, with a 30x31 list.


And already trying to figure out where to put my next tattoo... 

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